Two Degrees Later: Why I'm choosing to live in a trailer on my parent's drive-way over taking a job

How I went from attending a prestigious graduate business school to scoring a sick Boston fellowship (with the company of my dreams) where I was living on a futon in a rat-infested loft with two dudes above a rock concert venue, but ended up moving into 1970's trailer on my parent's driveway to pursue a business idea.

They say 10 months would fly by. I believed them. However, I didn't believe I'd have the vast experiences, emotions, living, opportunities, learning and relationships in that time period. From staying in the on-campus dorms to my last day sleeping on my couch…what has taken place over the course of theses 10 months has been a ride where I've grown in ways I never anticipated or sought. They also say you will be employed. I also believed them.

After some time to reflect on what took place over these 10 months at grad school - where I am now, where I was then, where I thought I would and what actually happened, after cherishing the special relationships fostered and unique souls who have forever impacted me...leaving this wonderful place and time in my life was bittersweet.

It's a truly special feeling to move on to a new adventure from a place and time in life that makes it so hard to leave. To drive away with a heart so full, knowing that you did it right, that you are heading in the direction that you've wanted, and seeing your friends head down the paths that is best for them is all for which I could have asked.

Monday I graduated with closure in every way I could asked - with friends who are following what they love, while I get to venture off on the path I'd always desired.

Yet, there was a moment where I almost dropped out.

It was never because I didn't believe in the program (disclosure: WFU was amazing and if you are ever interested in a jam-packed year of learning, hit me up to talk) or felt like I didn't need this knowledge - rather it was 100% me...I was so damn eager to get my hands dirty and learn through taking action right at that second. When entering grad school, my goal was to gain the business acumen that would allow me to start a business. I quickly learned, that nobody has the answer to that. While I surely gained business acumen, I also gained much more than what I hoped for - unique experiences that I didn't realize would make such a difference.

In January I stopped focusing on 'getting a job' and focused on the reason I went to Wake in the first place - to learn and apply. Everything changed. I had ideas again, I created, I was involved in the community, I had overwhelming support from the university, and I was presented with opportunities and experiences that gave me energy. 

I never needed a piece of paper to validate myself and what I am capable of accomplishing (and no one should), however the people and experiences provided a sense of strength and newfound knowledge that by myself I would have never gathered. It's a blessing that it's so hard to leave, because that means I did it right. It took exploring those areas of discomfort, testing the waters, diving into the fields and conversing on levels beyond my realm of experience or interest. I struggled, I learned, I then ran with it.

In March I took that incredible trip to Boston where I hoped to one day work for the company of my dreams. I got the Fellowship, I was going to apply my new skills while improving the food system. I was going to live in Boston on a futon with two dudes in a rat-infested apartment over a rock-venue ..and I couldn't have been more stoked.

Then, two weeks ago, with deep regret..the company informed us that they would be closing their doors.

That was the final tipping point - between the cancellation of my fellowship and job rejection after rejection..at some point it's one of those things that you can't help but just laugh in amazement at how I was getting absolutely nowhere. If I wanted anything to happened, I was going to need to create the experience I wanted where I could apply everything I've learned in school while bringing my ideas to life. 

I committed to longer investing my energy into convincing someone of my value and fitting their need - my energy was much better spent just making shit happen. I had an idea I'd been tinkering with since the winter and at there was no other option to make it happen. As if I was waiting for that invitation to do it - I felt like the closing of my next job was that.

The last few weeks of school were been spent heavily researching, meeting, learning and creating this. While most people were winding down, accepting their jobs and taking vacations and stuff...I was just getting picking up speed.

NOW WHAT: This will be something I'll be rolling out these next couple weeks however I had to share a taste (hint).

As my roommate constantly reminded me these past couple weeks - I was never going to accept a job (…if only I knew that too, it would have been the year much less stressful). So maybe this is what you expected (it wasn't really for me).

But here's the plan….

Yes, I'm heading back to Northern VA, the place I vowed to never return. However, ...it's for business opportunities where I believe I can make the greatest positive impact and learn the most.

Yes, I'm heading back to my home, the place I vowed to never sleep another night. However, …I'll be living in a trailer in my driveway (I get to live out my dream of staying in a tiny home). So that doesn't count. 

I'm giving myself 3 months to do everything I love - learn from people, implement and test ideas, create, train, work hard, absorb in knowledge, challenge myself, follow a strict daily routine and only do the "hell *@^#^ yes".

Three months.

I'll see where it takes me. If I don't do this, if I don't scratch this itch, I'll always wish I did. The worst that happens - I get a job after the summer. However right now, this is the kind of shit that I look forward to - grinding out on business ideas, making shit happen and being healthy AF.

This is the shit that makes me so excited that I can't sleep at night because I'm shaking in my bed ...the type of work where I can't help but wake up extra early to get after the day. It's a life full of energy, excitement, challenges.. and I absolutely thrive.

There's a time and a place for these types of projects, and it comes with it's uncertainty but I'm absolutely embracing it. Bring it on.

20 years of school was great, but right now I'm eager to get after what I've always wanted to do.

ap

Periodization and Transition Phases - Approaching the Final Cycle of Business School

(Mostly) Mind (this week)

"The dream you are living is your creation. It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time. You have the power to create hell, and you have the power to create heaven. Why not dream a different dream? What not use your mind, your imagination, and your emotions to dream heaven?"

- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements (Love More, Fear Less - it's inspirational as hell)

I often think of my life in terms of macro/micro training periodization cycles - here's a very simple picture to visualize how training periodization works (simply put, purposeful waves (gotta love me some water analogies). There are cycles of grinding and maxing out, testing your limits - but in order to grow and optimally perform, these challenging times must be followed my rest, relaxation, and recovery. 

In life, these 'down' periods (transition phases) take the form of reflection, allowing one to process absorbed knowledge and experiences, sometimes realize what you've even accomplished, and take a moment to learn from the past. If you push too far without this, a lot of the hard work and training will go to waste, you risk injuring yourself, you burn out, and you simply become over-trained, not yourself and no longer involved and benefiting from the process.

I'm fortunate to be in school where this type of transition phase is worked into my schedule (aka SPRANG BREAK!!). While many chose to take exotic trips or raging cruises - what I needed for a break was time to simply pause. This week was an active recovery week.

Of course, no surprise...I walked into this week with ambitious intentions - the business plans I would write, the personal projects I'd complete, etc. Yet, the moment I finished those final exams and completed the long trek home...all I could do was sleep (and eat). I had no idea how (unnecessarily) exhausted I was.

Three years ago when I was forced to do nothing but think during my hip surgeries, something I never paused and stopped to do, I promised myself that I would intentionally plan time for this in the future, as it is essential for growing (or else, like stated early, you burn out, or get sick, off-track, etc. and eventually are forced to stop).

Often times my greatest ideas, insights and intuitions come to me after I've taken a break for a few days. Like a taper from training - at first I feel 'off' or may question if I've even put in my best work, if it was good enough, could I have done better. Will it pay off in the end? In sports and life, there's uncertainty at this point because the work's behind you. However, along the way you trusted in the process, so shouldn't you believe in the outcome?

At about Day 5, as in training, I hit this point where everything starts to come together. The accumulation of learning, work, and experiences..my training…and I realize "I still got this"…I'm on the right track. I'm thinking like myself. This "performance test" comes in many forms, often life challenges, ideas or direction for what's next.

When training, it's hard to stay in your own lane. We all have different goals - if you train or do the same as the person in the other lane, you will likely perform the same as them. If that's your goal, then that can be a beneficial training strategy...however, today that's not my goal.

There's plenty to learn from those around you. Those you surround yourself with can serve as motivation, challenge you to be better, or simply be there to keep you on track and remember your goals. However, when your goals and dreams differ from the focus of those you are around, it's easy to lose sight of what you came here to do.

After any test of performance, it's essential to redirect your focus and make changes to the next cycle of your program according to what's working and what's not working (and also what you may want to try experimenting). As I head into my last "cycle" of this semester, the final weeks of grad school, it's a time to refocus and align with my goals. Following what I love, doing what aligns with my long-term goals, serving other's, and fearing less.

"Imagine living your life without fear of expressing your dreams. You know what you want, what you don’t want, and when you want it. You are free to change your life the way you really want to. You are not afraid to ask for what you need, to say yes or no to anything or anyone."

It's only after these tests you realize it was pretty damn irrational to have ever worried or questioned yourself. I believe this emotion does serve a purpose those - because without out any sort of discomfort, we would just casually go about things, perhaps not attentive, without anticipation, never feeling the extremes, no satisfaction or appreciation.

"Imagine living your life without being afraid to take a risk and to explore life. You are not afraid to lose anything. You are not afraid to be alive in the world"

This is why I've grown to love the process of business creation - it's often a game, an internal sport. There are no rules when you it comes to your original ideas, no process on how to take principles and concepts and turn them into creative advancements, no one to tell you what's the right way to go about it, no one is making you do it...there's only the optimal level of intrinsic motivation to create in a flow state...there's no wrong, there's only learning.

It's a game, because most of the time while there is a process and plan to the madness...I have no idea what I'm doing or what's going to happen until after I perform. 

Meals 

Spring Break involved lots of meals full of wholesome and fresh food from our greenhouse and chickens. I discovered the magic of frozen avocado's in smoothiess and experimented with improptu recipes when my friend and fellow foodie from school (s/o to Kristen) stopped through for a couple days to join me in eating and exercising all day.

If there's one thing for you to takeaway - I ask you to never waste a rotting avocado again. Dice and pop in the freezer for later use. Thank you.

Moves

Lots of yoga took place this week (where I was introduced to this week's quote)...a time for releasing and re-centering. I couldn't pass up the free time to create and introduce a new lifting phase, and I enjoyed two long, adventurous, warm, sunny bike rides on the C&O Canal. 

Here's one of my favorite, fun workouts that kicked my ass: 

Full Body Barbell + Dumbbell Blast (45 minutes)

• 10x each exercise, 3x each cycle
• Followed by 1 minute sprint

1. LEGS

• Squat
• Deadlift
• Reverse Lunge
• Sprint: 1 min banded jumping jacks

2. ARMS

• Push up
• Row
• Chest Fly
• Sprint: 1 min hops over barbell

3. CORE (I used a TRX and was in pushup position)

• Circles (5x each direction)
• Knees to elbows (Oblique crunches)
• Pikes
• Sprint: 1 min elliptical 

4. ARMS 

• Chest Press
• Delt Row
• Rev Fly
• Sprint: 1 min hops over barbell

5. LEGS

• Hip Trust
• Squat Pull-Through
• Lateral Lunge 
• Sprint: 1 min banded jumping jacks

It's as hard as you want to make it depending on the weight and type of each exercise. The point is to move everything, keep your heart rate up, and challenge yourself...so it's a flexible workout format to switch in/out whatever you'd like. 

More

Of course, much more has occurred these past months besides the thoughts between these two ears, what I (primarily) share to be occurring in the kitchen, and my gym chronicles.

I continue to be surrounded by loyal friends (and jeez..realize how lucky I am) and family who I cherish and share many special moments and relationships. I included some of the fun...but of course photos don't always do it justice. 

make it a great week! - ap

Counseling from Children, The Science of Seasonal Eating, Business Movement 101 and Weekly Lesson One-Liners

 

 

Mind

"There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the same place, so it doesn't matter which path you take. The only person wasting time is the one who runs around the mountain, telling everyone his or her path is wrong" - Hindu Proverb

The pressure of providing content, staying connected and actively scrolling through social media for enjoyment is real. It's pretty pathetic this is the challenge our generation faces on a daily basis.

When you are constantly posting (or keeping busy with the posts of others), you aren't present in what you are doing. I love to share experiences, and perhaps offer something that I am experiencing that will be helpful to someone else...but it's also important to recognize that being present in your own life is more important than that. 

I'm finding that balance. 

*Read this excellent article inspiring continuing that topic* It's absurd this is actually a problem faced these days but nonetheless it can't ignore that. It's a longer read but definitely eyeopening! 

The real content: A couple messages gather around this theme of paths (whether it's in what you do each day, how you choose to live your life, or in work)

The paradox of opportunities: One of greatest beauties of life derives from the vast amount of possibilities and boundless directions. It's this same beauty that also bears one of life's greatest challenges. While so free, we can become overwhelmingly restricted...as if there's a perfect path to be chosen. In business terms, "opportunity loss". Some struggle with finding something to do and where to work ...a difficult decision nonetheless...however for myself, it's choosing between everything I want to do. I don't know if it's any better but it's an ambitious problem to have and keeps me hungry and on my toes.

The MA program fills our days with opportunities for networking, learning and career advancement. Lunches with corporate executives, board of directors and professionals (which are all super awesome!) however it was the counseling from a 10 year-old that I want to share. 

At last Friday's Wake Soccer game, we made friends with some kids (clearly I'm winning for grad school social activities). Who I really was talking to was myself, 12 years ago - hyper, full of energy, understanding of others, confident, bold, and dreaming. 

My teammate had her dog (in a dress)...so like every other person...I figured these young girls were going to stop by, pet the dog, and leave. Like most people.

..the rest of the soccer game was spent having all kinds of conversations ranging from school to life plans with elementary schoolers. 

When kids ask you what you want to do with your life...there's this sense that you need to over-simplify things so they understand...and here's how I found myself explaining what I wanted: "I want to be moving around where people are fun and doing crazy things, I want to create solutions that change the world, and lead people toward a healthier and more improved life through health and food"

And here's where 10 y/o me comes in - she starts doing the "twitchy jumpy thing" as she excitedly exclaims that she holds the answer. She so confidently tells me I need to be a counselor, that I love helping people, that I need to own a healthy store where I have solutions for people revolving around food and exercise.

(And so we began bouncing and talking about farmers markets and haircuts and essential oils - so innocently and unconcerned with how we just picked up a completely new conversation and never finished the other. That's also how I knew it was me)

It's funny how I spend hours with all these career experts - asking them where I should go, what I should do. Yet I meet this 5th grader at a soccer game and she had the answers. The answer being that we each have it inside of us - and that there are many paths to get there. Her understanding and genuine energy was so pure and unpolluted by the outside influences, ego, and norms that society inadvertently places on us. We go out searching for all these answers, waiting for someone to confidently send us in a direction and validate that our choice is the best one - yet, kids - with their unbrainwashed wonder, clear lens for dreaming, and invincible sense of possibilities - are often the greatest reminders of what we really want to do. 

Meals

What's in season?

• Apples, cabbage, tomatoes, collards, cucumbers, green peas, herbs, corn, kale, lettuce, 'shrooms, bok choy, blackberries, pumpkin, raspberries, peas, spinach, sprite melons, sweet potatoes, turnips, zucchini, beets!
• RIGHT NOW..is the peak of the best of the best selection...this summer to fall transition is the only time of year where you'll ever have such a wide variety

Is it important to eat certain foods during specific times of the year? 

There's a whole area of study stemming from the understanding on what to eat and when but here's what you need to know...

• Fruit's and veggie's beautiful spectrum of visual appeal come from their pigments (like our skin colors). Just like we have shades, so do plants. Chlorophyll (greens), Flavonoids (blue, red, cream), and Carotenoids (orange/yellow). Each are special in their own way, providing unique and different nutritional benefits (hence, why we are told to "eat a rainbow" b/c of the diverse essential vits+mins and nutrients necessary from all of them)
• Carotenoids (organge/yellows) bring this to the table: Vit C, Beta-carotene, Vit A, Potassium, Lycopene, and Antioxidants
• We are creatures of habit. We get in routines and purchase the same foods every week. Technology has enabled us to eat whatever we want, whenever we want. However the combinations of vits+mins and nutrients that our body craves for optimal functioning constantly change throughout the year.   
• Eating seasonally: It tastes better, it's cheaper, it's sustainable..even nutritional analyses have shown significant antioxidant content differences (freshly harvested, rotated...more bioavailable nutrients)..combat flu season with a simple coordination of your diet. 
• Also next time your fake tan goes wrong and you'll look like this - just say you over did it on the fall vege's carotenoids

Moves 

Ironically, it's the fitness junkies who can be the most sedentary. A 3 hour workout does not give you a free pass to sit all day. Being that I'm in class from 8am-5pm, I'm experiencing this corporate-like culture. I experienced this, gained perspective, and am now changing it. So I left off last time switching things up: had an epiphany, made some changes. Here are the few major ways to inject a bit more movement, improve your level of work, and elevate your well-being: 

• Combat the movement discouraging clothes - so long heels, restrictive skirts and even those damn tote bags. 
• Biking to school - Active commuting gives a major boost to psychological well-being (school or work, this is important for us all), including happiness and ability to concentrate. Well-being is found to be higher for people commuting by active travel like walking or public transport compared to driving (and obviously the physical benefits follow, as well as increased creativity)
• Sitting on the floor - Chairs are a luxury and not doing us any good ...instead of going into depth on this, you can follow the link to read more. 
• Cut the Commute? - I recently came across this....startling (but not surprising) that the simple act of community is killin' us. Cutting you commute is equal to the equivalent of making $40,000 more in yearly salary! Right now I am paying that much...so I'm pretending that by walking/biking to school they balance each other out :) (I'm not even considering what it would be if I was actually commuting ..that's a whole other story...)

More

For the sake of entertainment, wonder and to reassure you that there is never a dull moment - my attempt to recap the past three weeks through the wisdom of one-liners: 

-When attending a career fair: professional frat party - packed, sweaty and thirsty for conversation...yet crucial for networking

-When at a Wake Saturday football game: proof of what the power of free food/drinks and Harambe can do

-When attending your professor's husband's concert: if there is no divide between the band and audience, it's acceptable to go on stage

-When recovering from an unfortunate butt dial: nothing...just never take your phone into the bathroom

-When surviving your first financial case competition: 48 hours of Finance requires 96 hours of recovery...never underestimate the importance for a platform of creativity 

-When competing in grad school field day: competitiveness and sun-burn susceptibility doesn't change with age 

make it a great week! - ap

The Importance of Failing, Core, Good Food and Friends

MIND

“Success is never owned; it is only rented – and the rent is due everyday.” - Take the Stairs, Rory Vaden

The two times in life I've felt the most alive:

1. When I had a vision and shared it with others 
2. Overcoming extreme adversity 

Right now, life's comfortable.

And I don't like it.

Here's the thing - we can't stop being disciplined. We can't live off past successes or experiences. Doing something once means nothing, you got to keep doing it every day (more of a pep-talk for myself but bear with me). Every single day, success must be earned. I'm earning nothing right now. Something has been missing - it's been doing something for a reason beyond myself, engaging with others who have ideas, thinking creatively, and challenging myself physically and mentally (beyond the regular school expectations).

It hit me - I hadn't failed in a while. I don't mean that in a "look at me I'm not failing, I'm winning". This is nothing to brag about. I'm not failing means I'm not challenging myself. This is a serious problem. 

Never has reading 19th century political economic literature got me so motivated. While Bastiat's essay, What Is Seen and What Is Not Seen, is economically founded, I look at this in terms of our health and human potential. A simple concept, but money that is going somewhere is money that could have been going somewhere else.

What about our time? Our resources? Our energy?

It's easier in the short term to watch TV, stay up late, skip workouts, eat poorly, vege out. However we soon grow lazy and comfortable. We experience short term pleasure. At the expense of long term success. 

Worse, this lack of growth and influence is what goes "unseen". It's easier to not look at life that way - in terms of all things you could be doing. And even more, actually doing them. So we don't. 

The real tragedy is giving up something you wanted more for something you wanted less. This could be success in athletics, school, relationships - anything. It's sacrificed for short term comfort.

When you gain that foresight - when you realize all the things you could be doing with your time, abilities, and energy - you become motivated to maximize the possibilities.

Thursday morning I woke up and signed up for a half marathon. Decided to rearrange my daily routines. Decided I'm ready for the next ideas to go after.

As Bastiat says "Often, the sweeter the first fruit of a habit, the more bitter are its later fruits"

This week I challenge you to question if what you are doing now is truly what you want, because we always have a choice, and the choice is yours to go make shit happen.

MOVES

Core workouts tend to be pretty spontaneous so when two girls approached me at the gym to tell me mine looked kick-ass I was flattered. First off, it was super cool of them to tap my sweaty leg and get my attention. Bold move. Second, it made my day that I had an excuse to share my workout with someone. They were totally down for me to teach them and I'll jump on any chance I can get to do so. 

I figured, well if these girls loved it then maybe other people would want to know too? 

Now, let me emphasize...there are progressions and regressions to this as I learned after I fell on my face. Realizing that I wanted to leave the gym with my front teeth and dignity I switched it up a bit. 

This incorporates stability, strength and core activation. Grab a Bosu Ball, and Medicine Ball. 

1. In a push up position grip the bosu ball on each side (flat part up) and your feet balanced on the medicine ball. 

2. Keep your core braced (no curve in you back!), and everything tight the entire time.

-10 Right/Left Wobbles (make slight elbows bends and roll the Bosu Ball from side to side)

-10 Front/Back Wobbles (same thing as before except now in the front and back direction)

-7 Push-Ups

-5 Foot taps (Alternate keeping one foot balanced on the Medicine Ball and tapping the opposite foot to the floor)

-5 Single Leg Knee to Chest (each leg)

-3 Knee Tucks (Using your core to bring the Medicine Ball into your chest)

THEN! Swap. Put your hands on the MB and feet balanced on the Bosu Ball. 

There are lots and lots of ways to add to this, I was just experimenting but you can make it easier or harder.. I would suggest picking a couple and going through it twice to start out. 

MEALS

"Box" Two has arrived and the enthusiasm hasn't dulled. I am overwhelmed with the amount of produce that is currently drowning my kitchen but refuse to waste any of it. This week included all sorts of goodies including peaches, white and purple, eggplant, cabbage, green peppers, zucchini, potatoes, and green tomatoes. This week I'll play around with more dishes but to start out, Box #2 didn't disappoint with dinner tonight and this week's lunch - Garden Herb Basmati Rice and Tofu with Ribbon Carrots, Shredded Cabbage, and Sliced Green Pepper on Roasted Cabbage.

MORE

I regularly experience nostalgia of the treasured memories through swimming, traveling and personal growth. My prior teammates through swimming in particular have left a mark on me that often can't be put to words. Just Friday, a close friend of mind went through something beyond incredibly tragic that can only leave one at a loss for words. Not only did my former teammate have her entire house burnt down, but lost her father. Nina embodies toughness, is selfless and was a teammate who no matter what would put herself on the line for others - it is only right that I do what I can for her during this unfathomable time. I include the link to the GoFundMe's that were created for her family and ask that you please do what you can do help. 

https://www.gofundme.com/2fza7ak

https://www.gofundme.com/Tremols